Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Money Laundering: When it comes to Washing Dollars do we use Ariel or Persil color?

Money Laundering, the new way for Fatcats to get back at drug dealers, arms dealers, slave traders and practically any conventional "Crook". You see, its sort of a battle between the two. You have your ivy league educated Fatcat who has spent a lifetime in boardrooms, conference calls and power lunches who are making money the "legitimate" are pissed that some street punk who made to the bigtop dodging bullets and drug raids is making ten times the money theyre making in only a tenth of the time! so how do you prevent them from doing that, hmm lets make the trade in drugs illegal.

But both players are smart. The Crooks attain their smarts from living on the street, while the Fatcats, get it at 42,000$ per semester. so the Crooks in order to avoid getting "Pinched" decide to cover up their tracks (keep their money in cash stashed in shoeboxes in a rented warehouse on el camino drive). but then the Fatcats found a new way to catch em....Tax Evasion (thats how they caught Capone)

But as the system evolves, so do the Crooks in their ways to outsmart it. they'd establish legal businesses with their drug money. and hire accountants to juice up the books meaning that they have the documentation that a certain business employs 200 employees and committs transactions on a daily basis on 3 of the worlds continents and has been voted by forbes as the best SME in Africa, well in technicality the address of correspondence of this business is actually Pablo Escobar's poor little Grandma that thinks its mail from her grandson's cub scout meetings.

So the Fatcats lobby in Congress, and the UN plaza , that money laundering is an international crime that must be combatted worldwide. they sign treaties, hold conventions, and fill up diplomats' pot bellies with canape's and caviar on taxpayer's expense just to prevent the drugdealers from surpassing the number of zeros they have on their bank balances. You think with all the money, effort and billable hours spend on the world's most expensive legal consultants comes up with a foolproof law that attains legitimacy and acceptance of the people?
well here is what they come up with.

"You can Jail.........anyone...who has.......... anything, to do with money that has come from any form of illegal trade!"

Of course its polished up with all their big words, and fancy terminology (that makes you feel that your college education was pointless). and refer to article 24.1 section a) paragraph ii) sub paragraph 3.217 to make you feel you are reading something important. but let me get this straight.... based on the statement above. if i have money that was made from a drug deal then i am a drug dealer that ought to go to jail? that is indeed justice! i can now rest my head at the end of the day and say we live in a world that is just and punishes the guilty and upholds the rights of the Goddamn innocent!!!!!

In order to be fair, some cutthroats, make a pretty decent living out of washing the blood off arms dealer's money and money laundering can be the only charge available to put them behind bars. where they get a pretty fat cut just for cleaning the money up ( your average laundry man charges a nice 20-40 cents on the dollar and trust me when i say thats not even close to rip off!)

alot of people may ask, why should Money laundering be an issue ? well lemme tell you something, if you thing money laundering doesnt happen in the middle east let me assure you that Egypt's current banking system boasts a 9% market share of the worlds money washing market! (US Department of Treasury) in addition to the top item on the agenda for Mr. Snow right now is to clean up MENA and its terrorism financing.

The problem with our banking system in comparison to the banking system of any decent country in the world, is that although we have alot of bureaucratic red tape, if some colombiano would walk in a bank with 5 honchos each holding a couple of brief cases and asks to deposit 20 million dollars in cash in a new savings account , the teller would notify the branch manager right away, not to arrest the greaseball but to sit down and drink coffee and ask him if he'd like his chequebook in green or blue!
on the other hand try walking into a local savings and loan somewhere in the midwest and tell em you'd like to deposit 2Gs in Cash and the FBI , IRS and all the initials you can name will pop outta nowhere and make your life a living hell.

on an end note, to show you that even some Arab criminals have a sense of Humor, Uday and Qusay Saddam Hussien had alot of dummy corporations in switzerland where they'd wash the money they stole from the iraqi treasury. all these corporations would pour into a Swiss Holding company called "Montana Management Inc." Guess i aint the only Scarface fan out there!


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